Entry #1: 47 Candles

Posted by Caitlin Rose Fletcher on August 3, 2015

There’s a thunderstorm outside. Kind of fitting. I’m not having the best day. I’m feeling kind of anxious. All I want to do is crawl into bed with a good book and ignore the world. I guess there is something soothing about when the weather reflects your mood. We learned about that in Lit class. I think it’s called pathetic fallacy?

Anyway, the power is out and so I’m sitting here writing by candlelight. My dad lit candles throughout our apartment. Kind of cool right? Like in the old days? (I mean, I’m only 13, so I guess I don’t really know what the ‘old’ days felt like…but I can use my imagination!)

This is my first blog. It’s kinda like a journal. I want to write about my family’s move from New York to London and jot down my experiences. I thought today would be a good day to start.

Today also happens to be my mom’s birthday. Not that I care that much. She basically kinda disappeared four years ago.  My 10th birthday. Actually on my 10th birthday.  Haven’t seen her since. I think I remember police coming to the house. I also remember thinking she walked out on us. Lately, I kinda think my dad has been in denial all these years and that’s what really happened.

She’s 47 now.

Dad doesn’t really talk about it.  And I don’t really remember the details, and I’m sort of glad about that. She’s missing so much of my life. Her loss.

I admit, there were some good memories. I guess. We used to read “Through the Looking Glass, and What Alice Found There.” I remember falling asleep to the sound of her voice reciting “The Walrus and The Carpenter”. That story still makes me laugh, it’s so full of nonsense. Sort of like the nonsense it would take to leave your daughter behind?

Anyway, I don’t have time to worry about that anymore. As I noted, my dad, my kid sister Natalie and I are moving to London later this month. Ugh.

(How totally weird if tonight was the night my mom came back home. Yeah right.)

It’s so dark in our apartment now, even with all the candles. If I baked a birthday cake, there’s certainly enough candles to  put on it.


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